I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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