we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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