I'm gonna have a badass scar
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
