I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
