I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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