Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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