we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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