How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
