and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
