Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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