I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
