I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
