I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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