Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
