handjob tips. give me some.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
