everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
