i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
