i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
