meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
