Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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