yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
