he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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