So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
