Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
