I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
