Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
