Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
