I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can't motorboat a personality
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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