his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
