Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
