Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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