It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
