thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am naked and annoyed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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