i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
