do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
