i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
