Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
