Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
