he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Everything about him screamed your future.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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