Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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