Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
