I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
