I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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