I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
