Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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