She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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