So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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