If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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