sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
