is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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